Levasar ehad: One flesh

Today, let’s pretend instead of your reading this sterile internet blog, we are dear friends, meeting in my home over a cup of coffee (which, I must admit, I would much prefer). We’re sitting by the window, looking out at the afternoon rain as it pours from an angry sky. Typical April weather. How do you take your coffee? Cream? Sugar?

How very much has happened since we last chatted! I’ve been married for three and half weeks. Our wedding day was a joyful celebration with family and friends of this union blessed by God. I am truly enjoying learning to navigate this new role as a wife. I still sometimes introduce myself by my maiden name then am quick to correct it. We have had some wonderful memories and established habits of praying and Scripture reading together over the last few weeks. But oh, how the beauty of Creation and the devastation of the Fall wrestle on the battleground of marriage! Sometimes I feel the struggle so intensely between what I know I ought to do and what I feel like doing at the moment. The flesh must continually be put to death. Then suddenly (usually an hour later…or less) my heart is full of love for Andrew and serving him comes instinctively. Hormonal. That’s the only word that can describe a bride from the rush leading up to the wedding to the settling in as a wife.

Thus, my life represents the juxtaposition of Genesis 2 and 3. In Genesis 2, ‘Iyshsah is the perfect complement to ‘Iysh. She takes the name he gives her, as I took the name Andrew gave me. I surrendered my last name to accept his, to become identified with him. This man, who was not a part of my family before, is now my only and entire family. Just as the woman became the man’s dearest companion and most well-fitted coworker, so I am to be to Andrew the help made suitable to go alongside him as he lives out his calling from the Lord. And of course, I do have a calling to encourage and support other women, wives, and mothers, like yourself. Would you like another cup of coffee or how about a blueberry muffin? I love the smell of a house on baking day.

Anyway, what were we talking about? Oh, yes, Genesis 2. We see that when woman arrived on the scene, man had already received his instructions from the Lord. Woman was not given her own set of distinct and separate commands; she simply submitted herself to her Creator and adapted herself to the man. Already in our short weeks of marriage and the months preceding it, I have been presented with several career and education options that I, at one time, pursued. Now, I have chosen God’s call to marry Andrew, thereby surrendering all other calls as teacher, early interventionist, or whatever else was once an option for my life. This differs from the first woman. When she came into the world, she knew no other career path, no other goals, than to serve her Lord. When her Lord presented her to Adam, she knew no other role than that of his wife. Today, we as wives have to make a conscious choice to choose our husbands and the Lord’s call on their lives to be our number one priority. When other opportunities arise, we must weigh them against our ultimate commitment to the Lord and His call on us as wives. Has that been difficult for you? Do you ever find yourself wondering, “What if…?” I know our Sovereign Lord has specially chosen me for Andrew, so I won’t consider other life options for long. I remember wanting to get my Master’s or to go to seminary or to start foster parenting this year. But then I close those doors in my mind and thank God for this wonderful husband He has given me, and I thank Him for where He is taking us.

When Adam said in 2:23, “This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh,” the woman didn’t retort, “No! I’m my own person. Can’t you see how very different we are? How could we have anything in common?” No, the next verse indicates how very deep the oneness was: “For this reason”–because they are of the same material, because she was taken from the man–shall a man leave his father and mother and be united to his wife and the two shall become on flesh.

That is my challenge. How do I, in the daily moments of married life, learn to appreciate all that Andrew is, to embrace our differences, to submit my dreams and hopes to the Lord, and live peaceably with myself, with Andrew, and with God? How do I adapt myself to this one man for all our lives while keeping my individual relationship with the Lord ever growing? How can I become more Christlike while the “I” in myself keeps trying to dominate the more submissive parts of my personality?

Do you have those questions? Do you wonder why this struggle is so intensely woven in our hearts? The root of those questions can be found in our next chapter: Genesis 3. Let’s read it together before we move on to discuss it.

What a turn Creation took in one short verse: “When the woman saw that the tree was good for food, and that it was a delight to the eyes, and that the tree was desirable to make one wise, she took from its fruit and ate; and she gave also to her husband with her, and he ate” (Gen. 3:6).

How did we get there? Well, first the serpent questioned, “Did God really say…? (3:1). Satan still does that to us, doesn’t he? Remember, the serpent is Satan. He twists God’s words and causes us to question God’s intentions toward us. This is why it is so very important, friend, that we know the word of God, that we praise our Father in heaven, whose name is holy. We mustn’t let these lies into our minds as Eve did. “Is God keeping good things from you? Is He holding out? Well then, you should take matters into your own hands!”

And how did the woman do that? She ate the fruit from the tree from which God commanded them not to eat, and she gave to her husband with her. How many times have we done this to our husbands? How frequently do we take charge and let our men sit idly by? How often have we answered someone when our husbands were right there, which silently implies we know better than them? Have we encouraged our husbands to sin because we have believed lies from the devil? May it not be so!

God’s plan was for husbands and wives to be one flesh, but we drive wedges between us and our husbands when we speak, make decisions, and take action in the place of our husbands either because he isn’t or because we think we can do better than he can. Submit yourself to the Lord, dear one. He gave you that husband. Trust that He will work on your husband; you don’t have to usurp his position in order to “get things done.” Devote your life to prayer, both for your husband and yourself. Yes, I know it sounds hard; it is. But the Christian life was never promised to be easy. Jesus said it would be hard, but He’d be with us.

Thank you for coming over. I’m sorry time is running short. Will you pray with me before you go?

Our gracious heavenly Father, thank You for a community of believers with whom we can learn and grow. We praise You for being willing to heal and redeem Your fallen, sin-sick world. We thank You, merciful God, for healing our sin-sick souls. Please give us gracious and loving and devoted hearts toward our husbands. Help us to be adaptable and aware of their needs, willing to encourage and uplift them at all times. Oh, our first Husband, we have failed you so many times in so many ways! We honor You as a holy yet forgiving God. Enable us to serve You unreservedly in thought and word and deed. In the name of Your precious Son, Jesus, we pray. Amen.