Submission In Parenting

Oh, the beauty of the Lord’s grace in our daily lives! As I parent precious Judah, God parents me; I see His fatherly gentleness in His rebuke and sense His love in His discipline.

Tonight, Andrew and I had the briefest of parenting discussions that in one instant showed me both my sin and the deep, unchanging love of our great God. We have encountered Judah’s first acts of willfulness (hitting) and are trying to discern how best to deal with it. Following the Titus 2 pattern, I listened to my mom’s wise advice. (Reasoning with our little man was producing no fruit, and mom rightly told me the truly loving thing to do is to end this behavior before it becomes a habit. Love sometimes hurts, which does not make it unloving).

So, Andrew and I had discussed our plan of action: We would say, “Gentle touch, Judah. That was not gentle!” followed by a firm tap on the thigh. As I said, we tried several weeks of using words alone, and that was not changing his heart or encouraging self-control–he was excellent at “gentle touches” right after hitting in anger or frustration. He then signs Sorry and uses a gentle touch (with us helping him hand-over-hand). We place him an arm’s distance away, and he is free to crawl back immediately to try again.

Tonight, though, Andrew casually mentioned that he feels sorry for Judah because when I set Judah down, I turn my whole body and face away from him, like we are totally separated and I don’t even want to look at him. By God’s grace, I didn’t respond in anger (sanctification in process!), and I took that correction from my husband to heart.

And I saw the Lord in that word from my husband.

You see, our discipline of Judah should point him (and us) to the cross. And when Andrew said those words, this is what I saw:

I have sinned, and a gulf–an immense chasm–has opened up between me and the three Persons of the Trinity. The atmosphere is red, hazy and dark, from my vantage point. But as I look across the gap, I see the Father and the Son, facing me.

I am completely cut off from Him because of my sin, but He has not forsaken me.

I see the Father and Son talking. Though I cannot hear the words for the great distance between us, I realize what is happening. The Father is looking at me in love and sending His only begotten Son to die in my place and make me able to approach His throne. He crosses the uncrossable and does the unthinkable, sacrificing the perfect Lamb, for me. And He’s even leaving the Holy Spirit on my side of the chasm to change the heart within me, even as the Son stands as my Advocate to Father God.

God works for my repentance and reconciliation. Our aim for our son is a repentance and reconciliation. We don’t use a traditional time-out because Judah may have godly sorrow that leads to repentance in 5 seconds or it may take quite awhile. We leave up to him when he is ready to return to us and “use gentle touches.” But my physical stance was communicating, “I don’t want reconciliation. And you probably don’t want to get close to me either.” How tragic that this is precisely how so many people view God! And how errant that thinking is! God is the Father who is looking for His wayward son to return home. When the sinful son repents, our Father runs to meet him!

May we by God’s grace show His powerful love, forgiveness, and reconciliation to our children, and I praise the Lord for creating my dear godly husband to lead our family. Thank you, Andrew, for truthfully, lovingly showing me how to better live out the Gospel for our little boy. And thank you for your courage in leadership. May God make me a wife and mother who honors Him and you in and by my submission. I love you.